


this is life (pain is just a simple compromise)

by hollow_city



Category: Voltron: Legendary Defender
Genre: Gen, Hurt/Comfort, Light Angst, Mother-Son Relationship, Post-Season/Series 05
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-03-19
Updated: 2018-03-19
Packaged: 2019-03-27 18:16:24
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,083
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/13886394
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/hollow_city/pseuds/hollow_city
Summary: keith wishes he could go back and swipe that satisfied little smirk off of kolivan’s face. he can’t believe he let the galra guilt him into doing this. at first, the idea seemed like it could be a good way to force himself into addressing his mother, but now that he’s stuck with her again in a tiny pod in the middle of the cold vacuum of space, he is deeply regretting it.[or: keith doesn't know how to handle emotions and krolia tries her best.]





	this is life (pain is just a simple compromise)

**Author's Note:**

> i love krolia, okay? also, i'm well aware that this has _definitely_ been done already, but i've yet to dive into those fics, and here i am with my own. and i've been waiting to use this line from [misguided ghosts](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=oGWeHPK3NC4) by paramore as a title for something for years, and i've finally done it. thank god. (the full line is, "now i'm told that this is life, that pain is just a simple compromise.")

-

Keith doesn’t know how to feel.

Should he be angry? Should he be ecstatic? Should he be confused?

He thinks that maybe he’s a little of all three.

“You knew,” he says, his voice eerily calm, masking thinly veiled fury. Energy races underneath his skin and he knows lashing out would not be good for him, but he wants to so badly. It’s the only way he’s ever known how to deal with things.

“Keith,” Kolivan begins, his face revealing no emotion, but Keith doesn’t let him continue.

He throws a hand out and pokes Kolivan in the chest. “You _knew_ , and you still sent me out there.”

Kolivan stares down at him, his ears twitching. Deep down, Keith knows that he wouldn’t be permitted to act like this in any other situation, but he thinks that maybe Kolivan understands just how groundbreaking this is for him.

“I did,” he says.

Keith gapes up at the man, his eyes widening with anger.

“That’s all you have to say?! That’s it?” he questions, his voice growing louder and louder as he goes. The eyes of other Blades burn into his back, and he struggles to turn it down a notch. When he speaks again, his voice is so quiet and so hurt. “How could you do that to me?”

Kolivan’s face finally twitches, but Keith feels no satisfaction. His fingers tighten into fists and he clenches his jaw to keep his emotions back. He can feel the tears gathering in his eyes, but he won’t let them fall. He doesn’t cry; he never cries, and he certainly won’t do it in front of all of these Blades.

“Keith, please,” Krolia places a hand on his arm, but Keith moves away. “He only wanted to help.”

Keith doesn’t see him do it, but Kolivan must cast the other Blades a look because everyone but the three of them files out of the room reluctantly.

(Keith understands. Headquarters is very boring. Drama like this is a rarity.)

He doesn’t say anything because he knows if he does, his voice will waver. He turns away from them, his breath coming in quick gasps. He doesn’t  _know_ what to say. Words come out anyway.

“You left me,” he whispers. He clears his throat and blinks the tears away from his eyes. “And you’re just… gonna come back and act like it’s okay?” A traitorous tear escapes and he scrubs angrily at his cheek with the back of his hand.

Krolia looks to be lost for words, the skin around her eyes tight with pain and her sharp fangs biting into her bottom lip.

“Kolivan,” Keith sighs, turning to his leader. Said Galra turns to face him, looking slightly uncomfortable. “I need to go back to Voltron.”

His ears twitch and he clears his throat. “Permanently?”

Keith immediately shakes his head. “No. I just… I need…”

He doesn’t know what he needs, but Kolivan seems to understand, because he nods.

“Very well. You may take a pod and return to the Castle. I will inform Princess Allura,” he says, before turning his gaze on Krolia. “Give us a moment.”

She looks torn between following orders and staying by her son, but when Keith shoots her a withering look, she turns and steps out. Her hands are laced behind her back and her ears are flat against her head.

When she leaves and the door slides shut, Kolivan turns to Keith. He places a hand on his shoulder, the sheer size of it dwarfing the former red paladin.

“Give her a chance,” he says, his voice a low rumble. “I understand-”

Keith cuts him off. “Do you?”

The look he gets for that doesn’t bother him in the least. He’s never bowed to Kolivan like the others have, but the leader doesn’t seem to mind too much.

“Maybe I do not,” he admits. “But I am well aware that she has missed you greatly.”

Keith scoffs, a wet, angry noise. “If she missed me that much she wouldn’t have left in the first place.”

Kolivan takes a deep breath. “She would not have if she had any other choice.”

Now he doesn’t say anything.

“I will grant her leave from the Blade,” Kolivan says, his eyes narrowing when Keith’s eyes widen. “Take her with you. She would rather get to know her kit than wait for orders here.”

Keith stares up at him for a few moments, biting his trembling lip so fiercely he draws blood.

He wants to so badly. He wants to bring her with him, get to know her, learn about his mother. But he doesn’t know if he can handle that. He’s been without her for so long, he can’t even remember her. He knows her now, but he has no memories of her from when he was a child. All he has are barely-there flashes of her dark eyes and sharp smile.

But maybe he can fill the empty spaces.

“Okay,” he finally says, his voice rough and quiet. “I’ll bring her with me.”

-

Keith wishes he could go back and swipe that satisfied little smirk off of Kolivan’s face. He can’t believe he let the Galra guilt him into doing this. At first, the idea seemed like it could be a good way to force himself into addressing his mother, but now that he’s stuck with her again in a tiny pod in the middle of the cold vacuum of space, he is deeply regretting it.

Neither of them has said a word.

Keith is piloting and Krolia is seated behind him, so he’s using that as his excuse for why he can’t talk to her. The Castle would have just opened up a wormhole near headquarters, but things have been extremely tense, considering more than half of the Empire is still loyal to their former leader and reject a half-breed as their new emperor. Exposing the location of the Blades headquarters didn’t seem like a good idea to anyone.

He needs to focus. Even though he’s flown near perfectly through an asteroid field while being chased by several Galra fighter-pods, this situation requires much more intense focus.

Keith will maintain this excuse.

That is, until Krolia decides to speak first.

“I have heard the tales of Voltron. Even saw it in action once,” she starts, clearing her throat and shifting in her seat. Keith’s spine stiffens and he clutches the controls tighter. “Kolivan told me that you were once the red paladin.”

Keith takes a turn sharper than necessary.

“Yep,” he says shortly. He doesn’t tell her that he still misses Red, still misses being part of the team. He doesn't say that sometimes he'll feel a little press at the back of his mind, reminding him that she's still there. 

Krolia lets out a breath behind him, but he doesn’t say anything else. Something in the distance sparkles and his heart lurches. He almost smiles, but then they get closer, and it’s just space trash drifting behind a dead planet. His stomach drops and his fingers clench.

He’s missed the Castle more than he can even put into words, and he’s missed his friends even more. He hasn’t been able to visit for more than a few minutes, and lately, barely ever, considering how busy they’ve been.

But now that Zarkon is dead and Lotor is in charge, well, it’s been quieter than usual.

“He also informed me that you were quite close with the other paladins,” she continues after a long while, her voice softer than before.

Keith debates whether or not he should answer or not for several tense moments, before finally snapping.

He switches the ship into autopilot, a snarl curling his lips. He stands abruptly, his eyes burning and his fists clenched by his sides. He listens to her stand behind him, but he doesn't turn around yet. 

“You don’t get to do that,” he grits out, squeezing his eyes shut so he doesn’t have to look into the vast expanse of space any longer.

“Keith?”

He spins around, opening his eyes to fix her with a gaze so full of sadness and betrayal that Krolia takes a step back.

“You don’t get to just leave and come back and then pretend like nothing happened!” Keith finally bursts, his voice raising without his permission. “Do you have any idea how much I needed you? But you. Weren’t. _There._ ”

He jabs her in the shoulder to emphasize each word, his eyes swimming.

“Keith, I-” Krolia starts, holding her hands out placatingly.

A tear rolls down his cheek. “What was so wrong with me that you would leave?”

The anger that explodes from the Galra is frightening.

“Don’t you dare say that!” she growls. “Don’t you think for a second that there is _anything_ wrong with you.”

Keith sniffs loudly, dragging his forearm across his face to clear the tears.

“How was I supposed to know that?” he asks wetly.

Krolia’s hands flutter around for a moment as if she’s unsure of what to do.

“H-How was I-” he cuts off, a sob breaking through.

All of the pain he’s felt his entire life crashes down on him like a tidal wave. His chest feels like it’s cracking in half, the sobs shaking his entire body.

Krolia makes a tiny, heartbroken noise that sounds something like a drowning cat. Keith’s eyes are squeezed shut in an attempt to stop the tears, so he has no warning before strong arms are wrapping around him and pulling him forward.

His eyes shoot open with a sharp intake of breath. Krolia doesn’t say anything as she clutches him tightly, and doesn’t move an inch. Keith stands stock-still for a moment and he almost begins to struggle, but then it really hits him. This is his  _mother_. His _mother_ is hugging him. He’s always wondered what that would feel like, and this is nothing like what he imagined. Her grip is stronger and she’s much taller and she’s so much warmer.

Without another thought, he throws himself further into her embrace. He buries his face in her shoulder and wraps his arms around her neck.

Krolia makes another noise as Keith sniffles into her shoulder, before she nuzzles into his hair. A sound rumbles up from her chest that causes Keith’s throat to tighten.

“I’m so sorry, my kit,” she whispers into his ear. It takes him a moment to register the words, because his brain stuttered to a stop several seconds before, when he realized she is _purring._

He knows that the Galra do it, he’s lived with them for months, so he was bound to find out somehow, but this is the first time anybody has done it because of him. And he doesn’t know what to do with this information.

When the proximity alarm goes off, Keith jumps, having momentarily forgotten what it is that he’s actually doing here. He tenses as Krolia’s purring abruptly stops.

He extracts himself from her arms, immediately missing the warmth, the sound, the feeling. He longs for it back, but he ignores the feeling. He’s been without it for this long; now shouldn’t be any different.

Coran’s voice comes through the comm system, informing them that they are clear to land in the lion’s hanger.

Keith can’t help the way his heart clenches at the thought of seeing Red again. He’s not her paladin, not anymore, but the bond will always be there. He was Black’s pilot once, too, but that was by obligation. Red will always be his girl.

“You got it,” Keith finally replies before switching off the comm system. For a few moments, the ship sits idle outside the Castle, the stuffy awkwardness making the cockpit feel too hard to breathe.

Finally, he speaks.

“I’ll introduce you to everyone when we get inside,” he says. “Do… whatever you want after that.”

Krolia steps forward and puts a hand on his shoulder. Keith’s muscles tighten automatically and he pretends not to see the pain in her deep purple eyes.

“My kit, I would never ask you to forgive me, but I will never lose you again,” she says, her voice low. “I’d like to take this chance to get to know you.” When Keith doesn’t say anything, she quickly adds on. "If that is what you want.”

He isn’t sure if he can forgive her, at least not yet, but this is something he thinks he can do.

“Yeah. Okay. I’d like that.”

-

**Author's Note:**

> this was supposed to be part of something much larger but i realized halfway through that i had no ideas and i couldn't finish it. so, i'm left with this. i think it's okay? i hope it's okay.


End file.
